The Legendary Thai Massage

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To me, Bangkok is a city of sharp contrasts. On offer is the base as well as the divine. The sublime as well as the ridiculous.  In ample measure.

The divinity is outnumbered only by the depravity. There are as many temples (over a 100 in the city alone!) as there are streetwalkers.

And certainly the Indian male tourist does not go to visit those temples! My guess is that the average Indian has already had an overdose of temple- visiting in his country by the time he reaches middle age. And hence he dashes out to check the other stuff on display.


And that’s what I am going to focus on in this blog—the embarrassing antics of the libido–driven middle-aged, much married men of my beloved country.

Our Bus had several groups, but the loudest was  an all-male group from the South of India. They were all in their 50’s, pot bellied and balding. They had left their religious wives at home and were out on an all-boys’ adventure trip. They had obviously heard of all the ‘fun’ that would be available to them and cracked inane jokes loudly to the disgust of other ‘normal’ tourists like us.

Emboldened by their group strength, they began teasing the pretty Thai Tourist Guide in our bus.

“Hey Pinky! Come, sit here” said the loudest of them all, slapping his thighs. To this, all of them guffawed at their collective intelligence.


At first the girl smiled politely in their direction and continued  her job of explaining to us about all the sights on view. When their sexual teasing continued, she picked up some sentences that had obviously held her in good stead on her previous encounters with other Indian males—“Anna!” she said, looking sweetly in his direction, “Next time you must bring Chachi along!”

The Mall where we got off was chock full of everything I had always wanted to buy. Purse empty, arms heavy and heart filled with regret at all the un bought goodies , I stroked my hard working ankles. I kept marveling at the wisdom of the anecdote, “In Bangkok, you can shop till you drop”.

Of course we kept getting distracted by the  disgusting sight of 70 year old European males, striking ‘deals’ with 15 year old girls. That’s Bangkok for you. Everything is out in the open.

Just then my eyes fell on a very pretty Thai girl sitting inside a stall. Her skin was porcelain white, her eyes were carefully done up in blacks and blues, while her long fake nails were elegantly painted in emerald red. Her tight-fitting clothes clung  alluringly around her perfect figure.

Fluttering her long eyelashes and elegantly tossing her fashionably ironed out hair over her petite shoulders, she smiled mischievously around, whenever she managed to look up from the endless task of texting  from her long contact list. 

And then the beauty got up. The body was thin, the shorts were micro and the stilettos were dangerously high. She walked towards someone we knew. Someone familiar. It happened simultaneously—the man’s excited  whispers and then his horrified screams. “Yeoooooww… Ammaa…”

Seeing Anna running, we asked him what the matter was—She… She’s  a Man” he screamed in panic!


Having dialed a wrong number, Anna and his group decided to play safe the next morning  and hunt closer home on familiar territory when the bus took off. They kept flirting loudly with Pinky, asking her to give them a massage.


“Yes Anna, I am indeed taking you to a Massage Parlor. You’ll enjoy it” she smiled indulgently.

“Heloo… Heloooo. Hellow…” shouted Anna into the phone, as if he could not hear what the person at the other end was speaking. Our bus had just stopped outside a huge Massage Spa and he delightfully registered the fact that the Thai girls inside would give massages to the men too. A call from his wife was the last thing he wanted to be disturbed by.

“Helooo… can’t hear you… no network here…” shouted Anna into the phone as he all but ran inside to sample the pleasures that awaited him.


It was a huge room we were led to. The comfortable mattresses on the floor were for men as well as women.

“Since you are all lying quite close to each other” advised a hard-faced Thai woman, “Please make sure not to throw your arms around. Just obey these girls. They are professionals. I am sure you will behave.”


This was bliss! We changed into the blue pyjamas and sunk into the soft cushions and surrendered our tired muscles to the expert  kneading and squeezing.  I was just drifting off into a relaxed slumber when I heard a loud scream.


“Yeaowww… Amma….” A strict looking bouncer had caught hold of an Indian man who had ‘misbehaved’ and was throwing him out.


It was Anna……





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